The cost of blind love
I was reading the metro yesterday as I usually do on my way to work and came across a story about the foes of internet dating. I thought it was quite interesting and figured i should give my 2 penny for what it's worth on this topic. Whilst there are advantages of cyber love (2 friends have told me about friends of theirs who met Mr Right through the web and their relationship is as strong as ever) there are obvious risks associated with it.
For starters you don’t know who you are talking to. Of course they may send pictures of themselves and in some cases even videos but how do you really know that it’s not a friend, a brother / sister, an altered image from a cut out or worse them 15 years ago which inevitably means there will be changes to their appearance (often for the worse…lol just being silly). They could make out to be someone or something they are not so how do you know you are really getting the full picture? All you have to rely on is your instincts and their honesty (cough….this is an alien notion to some people).
Internet dating is certainly adventurous but probably works better when you have low expectations because you won’t be disappointed if he turns out to be a she (well hopefully you’ll be able laugh it off) and equally you’ll be pleasantly surprised if they happened to be Mr / Mrs Perfect. Be careful though, perfection is a fantasy because no one is perfect. Look at the human body for instance – it’s riddled with imperfections. One leg is usually longer than the other, the fingers on one hand tends to be longer than the ones on the other, for women one breast is bigger than the other, for men one ball is larger than the other (you get the drift) but it’s these imperfections that make us whole. The point is if you chase after perfection you’ll end up with an illusion.
So back to my original point about what I read, this lady fell for a guy called Mark who she met on a dating website. They had been in cyber contact for more than 6 months and as far as she knew he was tall, dark, intelligent and above all he was a humanitarian. He was from Ohio and had just finished building an orphanage in West Africa. He told her he was helping an orphan girl who needed some urgent treatment but it was going to cost a considerable amount of money and asked that she donate £1,500 towards the cause. She willingly donated it being that it was for a good cause. A short while later he contacted her again asking for another £1,500 and this time if she didn’t give it the little girl was going to die because she was literally in a life and death situation. Although she was a little apprehensive she again donated the sum because she didn’t want the girl’s death weighing on her conscience.
Alarm bells started ringing for her when he avoided all talks about his life in the states. Even at that stage she brushed it off because they spoke on the phone quite often at long lengths and their conversations were quite personal and sexual at times. He had a decent American accent which further legitimized his story. It only hit home when 3 months after she donated the money she didn’t hear from him again. She later found out that she was being duped by a gang of Nigerian fraudsters who apparently defrauded loads of people on dating websites. Love is an easy emotion to play to so it was a perfect plan for them. I think this is what they call ‘blind love’. She’s understandably very embarrassed with the whole situation and cannot even bring herself to tell her best friend about it.
Does this mean that internet dating is plagued with fraudsters, rapists and pedophiles? Well a number of them on there may be but not all. Does this mean you shouldn’t give it a try if you wish to? Not at all. Just be overly cautious and let your head do the talking until you get to know the person…I mean really get to know them. This involves checking out that they live where they say they do, their age, criminal background and marital status. Better safe than sorry right? You don’t have to literally stalk them hanging outside their house and hiding behind the trees. With all the information we need at our fingertips, you can basically become a mini detective. Just make sure whatever you do, you do your homework before diving head first into the shark’s pond.
http://www.marriage-records.gov/ is good for marriage checks. If you’re cyber dating someone out of the country, http://www.atozmarriages.com/ carries out searches in the UK, Canada, Ireland and the states. http://www.criminal-check.com/ claims that you can carry out your own criminal checks on people without going through an agency. Note – I have not tried any of these sites so cannot really vouch for how good they are but at least they’re a start. There are tons of other sites that do the same or similar checks so this brings me back to my original point – make sure you do your homework. Until next time my good people …….
For starters you don’t know who you are talking to. Of course they may send pictures of themselves and in some cases even videos but how do you really know that it’s not a friend, a brother / sister, an altered image from a cut out or worse them 15 years ago which inevitably means there will be changes to their appearance (often for the worse…lol just being silly). They could make out to be someone or something they are not so how do you know you are really getting the full picture? All you have to rely on is your instincts and their honesty (cough….this is an alien notion to some people).
Internet dating is certainly adventurous but probably works better when you have low expectations because you won’t be disappointed if he turns out to be a she (well hopefully you’ll be able laugh it off) and equally you’ll be pleasantly surprised if they happened to be Mr / Mrs Perfect. Be careful though, perfection is a fantasy because no one is perfect. Look at the human body for instance – it’s riddled with imperfections. One leg is usually longer than the other, the fingers on one hand tends to be longer than the ones on the other, for women one breast is bigger than the other, for men one ball is larger than the other (you get the drift) but it’s these imperfections that make us whole. The point is if you chase after perfection you’ll end up with an illusion.
So back to my original point about what I read, this lady fell for a guy called Mark who she met on a dating website. They had been in cyber contact for more than 6 months and as far as she knew he was tall, dark, intelligent and above all he was a humanitarian. He was from Ohio and had just finished building an orphanage in West Africa. He told her he was helping an orphan girl who needed some urgent treatment but it was going to cost a considerable amount of money and asked that she donate £1,500 towards the cause. She willingly donated it being that it was for a good cause. A short while later he contacted her again asking for another £1,500 and this time if she didn’t give it the little girl was going to die because she was literally in a life and death situation. Although she was a little apprehensive she again donated the sum because she didn’t want the girl’s death weighing on her conscience.
Alarm bells started ringing for her when he avoided all talks about his life in the states. Even at that stage she brushed it off because they spoke on the phone quite often at long lengths and their conversations were quite personal and sexual at times. He had a decent American accent which further legitimized his story. It only hit home when 3 months after she donated the money she didn’t hear from him again. She later found out that she was being duped by a gang of Nigerian fraudsters who apparently defrauded loads of people on dating websites. Love is an easy emotion to play to so it was a perfect plan for them. I think this is what they call ‘blind love’. She’s understandably very embarrassed with the whole situation and cannot even bring herself to tell her best friend about it.
Does this mean that internet dating is plagued with fraudsters, rapists and pedophiles? Well a number of them on there may be but not all. Does this mean you shouldn’t give it a try if you wish to? Not at all. Just be overly cautious and let your head do the talking until you get to know the person…I mean really get to know them. This involves checking out that they live where they say they do, their age, criminal background and marital status. Better safe than sorry right? You don’t have to literally stalk them hanging outside their house and hiding behind the trees. With all the information we need at our fingertips, you can basically become a mini detective. Just make sure whatever you do, you do your homework before diving head first into the shark’s pond.
http://www.marriage-records.gov/ is good for marriage checks. If you’re cyber dating someone out of the country, http://www.atozmarriages.com/ carries out searches in the UK, Canada, Ireland and the states. http://www.criminal-check.com/ claims that you can carry out your own criminal checks on people without going through an agency. Note – I have not tried any of these sites so cannot really vouch for how good they are but at least they’re a start. There are tons of other sites that do the same or similar checks so this brings me back to my original point – make sure you do your homework. Until next time my good people …….
girl..so sorry..seriously..
ReplyDeletei mean i have been here and i'm pretty sure i've commented on this post..cos i remember saying something in the line of ..yeah, duped by a Nigerian,of course..
i know of a certain blogger who i follow who met her spouse thru online dating and made a post about it on their anniversary.it was so sweet and i said so..
she also said it was at a time she'd been so disappointed about all the online stuff and was about stopping it. many were encouraged tho a lot expressed apprehension.
i would therefore just state that one should be open-minded yet cautious.
Sad old lonely guys are easy pickings for those online dating scammers. You read about it all the time some British or American guy who is 50+ getting scammed out of thousands by some young Russian or African scammer.
ReplyDeleteGive me break these guys should know better, they think they are about to get their hands on some young pussy, but they are quite frankly getting what they deserve, SCAMMED.
lol, William you sound a bit old skool. I take it you've never tried internet dating before.
ReplyDeleteHistreasure, good to see your on here. I completely agree with keeping an open mind. Don't know why it's always a Nigerian that does the duping.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Wallace, lol. I do think that those looking for an easy ride have it coming to them when they get duped. I'm only referring to people who genuinely go online to find a partner.
Anonymous, no comment.