How to find a good man

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a wonderful bank holiday weekend and didn’t get up to too much mischief. Is it just me or does it feel like time flies (more like evaporates) once the weekend arrives?

I thought I should tell you about a seminar I went to a few weeks ago titled ‘how to find the right black man’. Why would you go to a seminar like that? Isn’t that desperate? I can already see your questions flagging up…relax…I can assure you that desperation was far from the reason why I attended. For starters I’m a bit of a nosey cow (lol) so the topic really intrigued me, I mean why would someone hold a seminar geared towards finding a man and more to the point finding a ‘black’ man? Why didn’t they hold a seminar about finding the right man in general whatever creed or colour they were?

So i arrived at the Hotel where the seminar was being held and guess what……..I was the last to arrive (yes I know it’s typical African time, but it was Sunday and I went to bed late the night before). I was about 1hr 30mins late (bad I know but give me a break) and the whole class stopped talking once I walked in. Mr Presenter looked at me as if to say ‘are you serious!!’ and I immediately apologized for being late. Asked why I was late I didn’t really have a good reason so I was honest and told him that I overslept, the class laughed and luckily the attention was turned back to Mr Presenter. He (Mr presenter) was a black guy, at least 6ft tall, decent build, well dressed and well spoken, I’m guessing in his later thirties or early forties. As you would have probably guessed the room was full of ‘yes you guessed it’…women, about 24 people including myself. I must say, I went there half expecting it to be full of women in their late thirties onwards (lets face it ladies, the older we get the thinner the flow of suitable male suitors – topic to be revisited at a later stage).

I was quite surprised to see at least 10 women in their early and late twenties there. On the contrary to what you may have envisaged, it was actually an interesting seminar and ‘no’ most of the women were not Bridget Jones’s lost twin sister with a matching sense of style. They were actually good quality women. By good quality I mean they are the type that men would stop when they are walking down the street…so why the need to attend a seminar to tell them how to find a decent bloke? Here’s the thing, decent men are really hard to find. I’m sure most women would identify with this and say a big resounding ‘yeah’ in unison but finding a good man is like searching for a lost spec of gold. Ok, maybe an exaggeration but you get the point. Fellas, in case you were not aware of this, there are a lot of women out there looking and I mean really searching (even though some would rather die than admit it) for you. The ratio of women in their thirties and above to men in the same age bracket is at least 3:1. The million dollar question for the men is ‘what are you going to do about it, huh?’

Ok, I digressed a bit (bad habit of mine when there's a lot to say)…continuing on my story…the seminar was fascinating. We talked about different topics ranging from where to find the right type of men to ‘how do you approach a guy you like?’ Mr Presenter told us that we need to start taking the bull by the horn (so to speak) and start approaching men instead of waiting for them to do all the work. He said that a lot of men actually like it when women do the leg work for them (yeah, I bet they do). Hello!! Am I the only one that is slightly apprehensive about this rather uncomfortable information? See, I am a bit old fashioned and don’t believe for one minute in chasing a man and I know there are a lot of women out there who share my view so Mr Presenter could have been speaking Spanish at this point because this was a different language to me. I completely commend those fearless women who ask men out and take them on their first date but you see, I’m too much of a chicken to do it. Mr Presenter noted the hesitation in the air so he added that those who were uncomfortable with the approach could just smile or perhaps wave when they see a guy they liked and this immediately diffused the tension caused by his earlier comment. Not sure about the waving though (might look a bit sheepish waving to someone you don’t know) but I suppose a smile wouldn’t be lethal now, would it?

Socializing in the right places was also a hot topic of discussion. A lot of people complain that they don’t meet the right caliber of people but when asked were they socialize you’ll find that the local pub they tend to go to on Friday night for a pub crawl and the club they frequent is not really the best place to find their Romeo or Juliet. I can already hear some of your fingers twitching to click on the ‘comment’ icon and say something to the tune of ‘I met someone in a club and we turned out fine’. I’m not saying that you can’t meet Mr or Mrs Right in a these places because I know some people who met in a club and are now happily married but what I am saying is the likelihood of meeting the type of person you would want to be with is limited. There are other places where the potential for meeting someone on the same wave length as you is wider e.g. library, book club, networking events, work, weddings etc. This is not a cue to start stalking your local library or become a wedding crasher but just bear in mind that to catch the right fish you need to be in the right part of the river/ocean. (.....TO BE CONTINUED)

Please don’t have my head on a stake yet. I feel for you because you have to seat there and read this really long blog so I thought it would be best to cut the long story short (ish) and finish the rest off tomorrow. Think about your eyes – it’s for your own good. You can't say i don't have your best interest at heart (smile).